


What Kind Of Future

by hoshi_loop



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Character Death, First Love, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:09:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27177674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoshi_loop/pseuds/hoshi_loop
Summary: Jihoon doesn't remember much from the accident.But he does know everyone hates him.Thats until he meets Soonyoung.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo & Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Kwon, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 57





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone.  
> I know I've been complete trash about updating my other works..  
> I promise I will..  
> But I am SO INTO this story. Like so excited.  
> I have already almost finished chapter 2 so please expect regular updates!

[What Kind Of Future FANFIC Trailer](https://vimeo.com/479715482) from [Lizz Lucie](https://vimeo.com/user127233366) on [Vimeo](https://vimeo.com).

"Shit."  
Jihoon had overslept and was going to be late. Not for class..he still had plenty of time but he was going to have to walk through the hall while it was its busiest which means he would definitely see his ex-bestfriend, Seungcheol.   
He quickly dressed in an oversized sweater and tight jeans barely checking his reflection only to softly brush his fingers through his fringe. He rushed through brushing his teeth and a quick face wash before heading downstairs.   
His mom was downstairs making breakfast and his father looked up to meet his gaze but quickly went back to his morning paper. This wasn't surprising or hurtful to Jihoon anymore..it had been this way for months. Ever since that night that Jihoon made his biggest mistake his dad looked at him like he was nothing, while his mom constantly babied and helicoptered him. 

"Uji, sweetie, sit for break-" His mom started to say before Jihoon quickly swiped a piece of toast that was sitting out and slipping out the backdoor. He ran. It was cold out and the cold wind pierced his cheeks and stung his eyes. He barely made it to the front steps of the school when he saw the first bus pull in to the parking lot. He sighed as he walked inside while bending over and took a moment to catch his breath. He wasn't sure how he was able to make it in time but he thanked whoever was watching over him because he honestly was too tired to handle the stares today. 

"Are you okay?" A voice asked. Jihoon startled and stood up straight. He glanced around until he saw a tall boy leaning against a locker. He had on tight joggers, a tucked in long sleeve white shirt and what Jihoon imagined to be overly expensive sneakers. He had silvery messy hair that touched his little half moon eyes. Big cheeks that bunched up into a smile when Jihoon stared too long. 

"Uh..yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." Jihoon mumbled while he walked past the boy and towards his locker. While grabbing his books for his first class he snuck another glance at the boy who honestly seemed a little lost. Was this boy new? He hadn't seen him before. "Um. Do you need help finding your locker?"

The boy smiled an even bigger smile than before that made his eyes completely disappear and Jihoon couldn't help but think to himself that the boy was definitely cute. 

"Oh, yeah. I just need to find my first class. Its economics? Mr. Choi?" The boy seemed unsure about that information. Jihoon looked down at the economics book in his hand and held it up. 

"Follow me then." 

They walked quietly across the small campus to the economics room. Jihoon glanced back and notice the school was filling quickly with students. He looked back to the door of his classroom hoping he would reach it first. He silently cursed himself for stopping to help this boy. 

"I'm Soonyoung!" The boy next to him finally spoke up. Jihoon nodded and focused on getting to class. He opened the door and went straight to the corner in the back of the classroom near the window. His favorite seat. He sat down and sighed while glancing out the window. It was an unusually grey day but Jihoon felt like it was a day made for him. 

Soonyoung sat in the desk next to him and nervously fidgeted. Jihoon glanced his way and caught his gaze. His cheeks bunched up into another big smile and Jihoon couldn't help but smile a little back. 

"Lee Jihoon." He quietly muttered towards the boy. Soonyoung smiled and nodded his head. Jihoon was about to ask him where he came from..what brought him to this small town. But then a group of students bounded through the door bringing along with them loud chatter. Jihoon quickly faced back towards the window and prayed that no one messed with him today..especially in front of the new boy. Why he even cared? He didn't know but he still hoped. 

A few students glared at him or laughed a bit but no one said anything. He could tell Soonyoung noticed something because he kept stealing worried glances towards him. He thought he was in the clear until Seungcheol strides in with his old group of friends. Jihoon groaned. 

"Lee!" Seungcheol boasted loudly to draw all the student's attention. "Its still early but have you managed to fuck anything up today? Maybe did you happen to ruin anyone else's life?" Seungcheol had a smile on his face but it didn't reach his eyes and his words were dripping with disgust. Seungcheol made his way to Jihoon and reached out to grab him by the shirt but then he suddenly tripped. 

He turned around quickly to yell at whoever had tripped him but then Mr. Choi had already walked in and was yelling for Seungcheol to take his seat. Jihoon glanced towards Soonyoung who was holding back a few giggles. He caught Jihoon's gaze and winked. Jihoon almost couldn't contain his laughter but was able to once Mr. Choi shot him a glare. 

The rest of the day went as normal. Classes and stares. Classes and stares. Every day was more exhausting than the last but today wasn't so bad. He would occasionally see Soonyoung in his classes or just around the campus and for whatever reason that..comforted him. He knew this was going to be short-lived. Soonyoung was new. Once he made more friends or caught wind of gossip he would then know what Jihoon did and hate him like the rest of the school did. That night. That choice haunted and punished Jihoon every second of everyday. It took away friendships, his parent's love, his happiness and it also took away-

"Jihoon!" Soonyoung called running towards where Jihoon was sitting. It was lunch break and Jihoon had buried himself down into this little garden that had been long forgotten about. It was too cold to sit out here but it was better than sitting around an entire student body that hated him. "Jihoon! Omg. Its cold. Why are you out here?" 

"Its easier. I like it." Jihoon sighed slowly moving his hands to gesture the cafeteria. Soonyoung held his gaze for a moment before looking away and sitting down next to him. 

"I..I noticed that people here seem to be mean to you." Soonyoung hesitantly stated. Jihoon stared at him trying to decide if he was ready to go ahead and ruin this little bit of company he finally had. "If you don't want to tell me about, Jihoon, I understand. We don't really know each other but..it seems a little much." 

"Ah, its not. I mean..it is but I deserve it." Jihoon stated blankly. Soonyoung reached out and placed his hand slightly on Jihoon's. Jihoon jumped a bit at how cold but yet also warm it was. Soonyoung smiled weakly at him and removed it before asking him the question he hoped he didn't have to answer. 

"What happened, Jihoon?" 

Jihoon sighed and closed his eyes. He leaned back into the wilted leaves of the garden. He stared up into the dark grey sky and tried to remember everything about that night. It was hard. He didn't remember a lot..maybe it was because of the amount of alcohol he had drank or maybe it was what his therapist calls repressed trauma. He fought a bit quietly with his thoughts and his memories of that night and every day that followed. Soonyoung leaned back and laid down next to him. His shoulder pressed against Jihoon's. Jihoon closed his eyes and began to tell Soonyoung what he could. 

"I..I used to be really popular. That guy, Seungcheol, the one you tripped? He was my best friend." Jihoon started. Soonyoung slightly scoffed when Jihoon mentioned Seungcheol. "Anyways, I was..kind of full of myself honestly. I was a star baseball player, popular, my family had money..I mean I was just like the poster child of high school royalty." 

Jihoon glanced towards Soonyoung who was listening intently which was actually kind of cute. His lips pouted out a bit. Jihoon tore his eyes away from Soonyoung's lips and continued. 

"Anyways, I had started thinking I was above most things if not all. Seungcheol's parties started getting more often and I was starting to drink pretty heavily almost every weekend. One night there was a party and Seungcheol wanted more booze. Even though I was completely wasted I swore I could get him to the store and back with no problem. He knew I was wasted, he was too..but we had made this drive so many times intoxicated and not..so we really didn't think it would be an issue. Anyways, I drove and I ended up causing a pretty bad wreck. I was in the hospital for a bit after and so was Seungcheol. The wreck was pretty big news in this town..and word got out to a lot of places and it actually caused Seungcheol to lose his scholarship."

Soonyoung's breathing hitches for a minute but he turns to face Jihoon. His eyes seem worried and sad and Jihoon immediately regrets saying anything. 

"Anyways, I suppose there is more to it. I don't remember really. I just remember its my fault. I hit something and its my fault. My parents lost a lot of money to pay for medical and also legal bills because of it. So..they hate me. Seungcheol hates me for getting his scholarship taken away and the whole school does too because..well..Seungcheol does. Thats just the..short version of it I guess. So, if you want to hate me too I understand. Its nothing new." Jihoon shrugs forcing himself to meet Soonyoung's eyes. 

"Are you sorry?" Soonyoung's question surprises Jihoon. He bites his lip and slowly nods. Soonyoung nods as well and says, "Well, then. I guess thats that. You made a mistake. Regardless of how big or small. You deserve to still have a good life, Jihoon. These people here..they are so short sighted. Its not worth it. The wreck..it didn't even effect them. Your parents anger and hell even Seungcheol's its..justified. They can feel that. But everyone else..fuck them." 

Jihoon smiled weakily and whispered, "I just wish I could remember everything. I wake up everyday knowing I hate myself but there still is something..missing." 

Soonyoung stands up and leans down to help Jihoon up. They walk quietly back to the school building not saying anything. Jihoon steals glances and tries to not to think much of anything every time his hand brushes against Soonyoung's when they walk. 

Classes continue and Jihoon spends the day busying himself with his schoolwork. Only being bothered or pushed a few times through out the day. Somehow its easier..because like Soonyoung said..fuck them. When his last class ends Jihoon quickly makes his way outside and starts his walk home. He glances around looking for the silver haired boy but can't find him. He curses himself for not asking for his phone number. 

When he walks in the house its empty. A small note on the counter from his mom lets him know they were going to be gone this weekend for a conference for his father's work. Jihoon shrugged and was actually relieved he could spend a few days alone at the house without having to dodge his parents. He searched the fridge for a snack and settled for some leftover rice. He sat down at the counter and started to eat while scrolling through his social media. It was pretty uneventful. He could see Seungcheol was throwing another party tonight. Jihoon couldn't really believe how Seungcheol still even wanted to drink after their accident. Jihoon decided to search Soonyoung but couldn't find anything. He should have asked his surname. 

Jihoon had played video games for a few hours and tried to read some books but he was restless and bored. He considered watching some anime but he needed snacks for that and his house was most definitely out of those. He pulled on his coat and shoes and decided a quick run to the convenient store would be useful. 

The cold air hit him sharply and he cursed himself for not using a thicker coat. He jogged to the store and quickly went in. When he was inside he stood for a moment trying to bask in the warmth of the store. Once he felt like his brain had defrosted he started towards the snack isle. On his way to grab his favorite brand of chips he bumped into someone. "Oh sorry-" he mumbled before realizing who he bumped into.

"Jihoon?" Soonyoung smiled.   
"Oh, hey! Sorry..I had snack tunnel vision." He said which sent Soonyoung into a loud boisterous laugh. It shocked Jihoon a bit because so far Soonyoung had been fairly quiet.   
"I'm sorry." Soonyoung says while laughing. "My laugh is really loud and annoying. My friends..my old friends..used to all tease me for it."   
Jihoon couldn't help but laugh too, "No, it..it just surprised me..but I like it."   
Jihoon adverted Soonyoung's eyes and tried not to notice the blush that was creeping across Soonyoung's cheeks.   
They talked casually while picking out some snacks. Soonyoung even helped Jihoon reach his favorite drink that he hadn't been able to get in awhile because they always put it up too high and Seungcheol was no longer around to grab it for him. They made their way to the front and Jihoon offered to pay for the drink in Soonyoung's hands. After paying and stepping into the night Jihoon nervously asked, "Hey, do you want to come over and watch some anime?"   
Soonyoung agreed and they made their way towards Jihoon's home. 

\---  
Jihoon woke up late that next afternoon. Although he distinctly remembers falling asleep on Soonyoung's arm he is now wrapped up in a blanket tucked away on his couch. He searches the room for Soonyoung but doesn't see him. He sits up and rubs his eyes. He stands up to go to the restroom and notices a note on the counter next to his mom's. 

"Hoonie,   
I had a nice night with you. Lets do this again?   
Sorry I had to leave. I didn't want to wake you.   
I'll be at the library later if you are bored.  
Love, Soon" 

Jihoon couldn't help but feel the warmth that filled his body at the thought of Soonyoung calling him Hoonie. Jihoon had always known he liked boys but he had never had the chance to actually find one he liked. The promise of first love was something Jihoon didn't think he would ever experience. He quickly got changed and took an extra few moments to make sure his hair and face looked okay. Once he was satisfied he pushed himself out the front door and made his way towards the library. 

The library was old. It was a three story dark brick building that Jihoon had only entered when he was much younger. He walked in and quickly started scanning the building. Where even would Soonyoung be? He made his way over to the directory and saw where the anime/manga section was and decided that would be his best shot. It was on the third floor and tucked away in the back. His town was small so its selection wasn't much and it honestly looked like it hadn't been updated for a bit. He scanned the shelves and couldn't help but chuckle at some of the old titles. 

"Are you looking for something?" A deep but calm voice called to him. Jihoon spun around and was surprised to see what had to be the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He was tall and slim but his chest and shoulders were broad. His facial features were sharp and his hair was a dark red than hung in front of his round wire glasses. 

"I..uh..no I was hoping to meet a friend here but I guess I missed him." Jihoon said with a smile. The boy nodded and walked towards the shelf Jihoon was browsing. 

"These titles are outdated. I keep asking them to bring in some newer series but we don't really get a lot of students in here anyways." the boy said while slowly brushing his fingers across the spines of the books. "I'm Wonwoo. I work here on the weekends when I'm not in class." 

"Do you go to West?" Jihoon asked. He didn't think he did. There was no way Jihoon wouldn't have noticed him. 

Wonwoo shook his head, "No, East." Jihoon nodded and they stood there slightly awkward staring at the shelves of manga. 

"Are you by any chance, Lee Jihoon?" Wonwoo asked not tearing his gaze away from the books. Jihoon turned to him surprised. 

"Yeah, I am. How did-did my friend leave a message for me?" Jihoon asked hopefully. Wonwoo glanced at him with confusion and shook his head slowly. 

"No, I'm sorry. I don't know who your friend is. I just..I just remember your face from the papers." Jihoon is positive that all the color in his face had completely drained. 

"Oh, yeah. Um..yeah, that is me." Jihoon placed the book he was holding back on the shelf and started to excuse himself. 

"Wait..I didn't..I didn't mean to be rude. I just..you seem different from what I would have expected you to be." Wonwoo spoke softly but intensely. Jihoon sighed and shrugged. 

"Not a monster?" Jihoon whispered.   
"Yeah, not a monster. Do you..Would you like to read with me for a bit? Maybe your friend will show up?"   
Jihoon looked up at Wonwoo surprised. He had expected the boy to not want to do anything with him but yet here he was offering a moment of friendship. Jihoon smiled and said, "Yeah, that would be nice. You know..I think I know someone from East..I can't remember though. My mind is jumbled a bit since the accident." He sat himself in a big armchair across from Wonwoo in his. He was lost in thought for a moment while he tried to remember if he ever knew anyone from East and didn't notice the look of sadness on Wonwoo's face. 


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This moved a lot faster than I wanted to but honestly  
> I'm a terrible writer when it comes to like filler and everything else.  
> Like I have an idea and I just want to get to it. 
> 
> The last chapter will be updated tomorrow or Tuesday.  
> Hope everyone is enjoying this one!

Days turned into weeks and the cold air was starting to warm. Jihoon didn't even realize how quickly time was flying by. He for the first time in a long time..happy. During school, he would see Soonyoung around and they would always eat lunch together out in the garden. Sometimes Soonyoung would stop by Jihoon's to watch anime when Jihoon's parents were gone and on other days when Soonyoung was busy, Jihoon spent his time curled up in the back of the library reading old manga with Wonwoo. 

He was surprised by his friendship with Wonwoo. It happened without him even realizing it. For whatever the reason may be Jihoon felt drawn to him. One day when he couldn't find Soonyoung he had wondered in hoping to find him but was just as happy to have to see Wonwoo instead. Since then..this has become kind of a thing between them. Today is no different. Jihoon had waited around lazy in front of the tv hoping to have Soonyoung turn up on his doorstep but after a few hours, he decided he should go do something with his Saturday evening.   
On the way to the library, Jihoon quietly thought to himself about if maybe he had done something to Soonyoung. He kept seeing him less and less. Getting ahold of him was almost impossible as well but still..even seeing him for a second was enough to keep Jihoon pushing for an entire week. School hadn't changed much. He still had to deal with everyone but knowing he had Soonyoung just made him not care. He had even started going back to therapy at the suggestion of Soonyoung. That actually hadn't been so bad although fears of that night coming back more clear seem to be coming true. The more he talks the more he remembers. He had told Soonyoung he needed to remember but at the same time he wasn't sure if he wanted to. What if..what if he will hate himself more and fall back into this deep despair that Soonyoung had pulled him out of? What if Soonyoung found out something worse about him and leaves him?

Jihoon worked those thoughts clear of his mind and climbed up to the third floor making his way towards the back corner. Already there was Wonwoo. He was dressed in fitted brown slacks and a burgundy sweater tucked in. His normal messy hair was styled and pushed back off his forehead. Jihoon had to take a minute just to catch his breath. He also silently cursed himself for even thinking of Wonwoo as more than a friend..it felt like cheating on Soonyoung, even though they aren't together.

"Ji, are you going to lurk behind that bookshelf like a pervert all day or come read with me?" Wonwoo's voice wiped away Jihoon's internal struggle he had so intently been thinking of. Jihoon scoffed at Wonwoo who gave him a loud laugh. Jihoon liked Wonwoo's laugh. It was loud and strong like Soonyoung's but it had more bass and was more smooth. Flipping Wonwoo off he walked over and sat beside him leaning over to see what Wonwoo was reading. 

"Did you dress up for me, Won?" Jihoon teased reaching over to mess with Wonwoo's hair. Wonwoo glared and dodged Jihoon's fingers.  
"Honestly, you wish. I have somewhere to be after..this." He said matter of fact not tearing his eyes from the book he was thumbing through.   
"Mmm. Well, you look nice. Is it a date then?" Jihoon mused. Wonwoo sighed loudly and closed his book. He glanced quickly at Jihoon and then leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He rested there for a bit before finally answering.   
"No, it's not a date. It's my best friend's birthday." He reached up and removed his glasses rubbing his eyes.   
"Oh, do you not like this best friend? Why are you so unexcited to celebrate?" Jihoon smiled and played with the spine of the book laying in Wonwoo's lap. "Would you rather be with me instead?"

Jihoon wasn't sure why he was being so flirty. It wasn't something he usually did. Maybe it was the way Wonwoo's sweater clung to his chest showing off a very fit body..or maybe it was the cologne he was wearing. It smelled like amber and cashmere. Whatever dreamland Jihoon had let himself drift off to was quickly brought back to reality with Wonwoo's next statement. 

"He's dead. I am visiting his grave." Wonwoo was now looking at Jihoon trying to gauge the response he would get. Jihoon tried his best to keep Wonwoo's intense gaze but he found himself looking away quickly. "Anyways, I...I need to go but I just wanted to see you first. I didn't want you to think I had ditched you." Wonwoo smiled weakly and handed the book to Jihoon before standing up and straitening his shirt. Jihoon nodded slowly and stared down at the book in his hands. It was called The Others. 

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jihoon asked looking up. Wonwoo froze putting his coat on and turned to face Jihoon. "I mean..nevermind..dumb idea I guess." Wonwoo smiled and leaned down to slowly kiss Jihoon on his cheek. 

"Thanks for offering, Ji. I don't think...I don't think it's time yet." 

With that Wonwoo was walking off and Jihoon was left feeling more confused than ever. He grabbed the book Wonwoo handed him and made his way down to the lobby to check out the book. The librarian smiled at him while she scanned his card and then the book. 

"Interesting choice." She smiled while handing over the book. Jihoon shrugged and headed out. 

  
He didn't see Soonyoung all weekend. He didn't see Wonwoo anymore either..not that he went to the library to check. For some reason, Jihoon felt embarrassed for trying to intrude on such a private moment with someone he honestly didn't really know. Clearly, Jihoon is starving for relationships since he had gone so long without any. He opened the book Wonwoo gave him and started to read. It didn't really seem like a story Wonwoo would read..he would have never taken Wonwoo as a ghost believer. 

Tuesday was the first time he saw Soonyoung finally. He had given up the idea that he would ever see him again. He had thought maybe Soonyoung had some sense finally and was avoiding him but when he walked out to head to his usual lunch spot he saw Soonyoung sitting quietly in the old garden. 

"Ah, Soon. Thought I had scared you off." Jihoon smiled while playfully nudging Soonyoung as he sat down next to him. Soonyoung smiled and shook his head.   
"Nah, I quite like being around you, Hoonie." Soonyoung sing-songed and giggled into Jihoon's ear. Jihoon tensed a bit at the closeness after such a long time of not seeing Soonyoung. He quickly remembered Wonwoo kissing his cheek and immediately felt guilty.   
He must have really drifted off into thought because Soonyoung was staring at him.   
"Ji, what do you want to do with your life?" Soonyoung asked picking at an old vine. Jihoon shrugged and reached over to play with the same one..letting his fingers link slowly with Soonyoung's. He felt Soonyoung tense a bit but was relieved when he saw Soonyoung smile.   
"I don't know. It used to be baseball but I don't care about that much anymore. I think...I know this is silly but I think I want to make music."   
Soonyoung smiled and nodded. He took a minute to think before asking,   
"Have you ever wrote a song? Or do anything like that?" Jihoon shook his head. He took Soonyoung's hand completely in his and placed them in his lap.   
"I have written songs. I have a journal. I can play some instruments but I've never like..made music."   
"You should, Ji. Write one for me?" Soonyoung asked looking intently into Jihoon's eyes. Jihoon laughed a bit and agreed but couldn't help but notice the seriousness in Soonyoung, especially when he asked him to promise. 

Jihoon went home that day and pulled out his journal. He started writing. He thought about everything. Being alone, being with Soonyoung, and even being with Wonwoo. He thought about how in a matter of weeks Soonyoung had completely turned his life around in ways that he didn't even know. Soonyoung. Soonyoung. He could simply fill up every page in this notebook with lyrics and words that describe Soonyoung but they could never capture just how much of a miracle he was to him. 

Because of you, each day is beautiful  
Sometimes, I’m afraid it’ll all vanish  
But each time I think that  
You look at me and smile  
You’re my miracle, it’s you 

Jihoon smiled at the words he wrote while humming a melody that was just a beautiful as Soonyoung. He decided then that this would be the song he would give Soonyoung. He felt silly that he couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he stood up to pad over to his computer desk. He pulled out his old keyboard and hooked it into his computer and clicked into his audio programming that he had bought years ago but never did anything with other than that one time Seungcheol made him record him rapping about camels. He laughed a bit at that memory and for the first time in a long time really missed Seungcheol. 

Jihoon didn't even realize the time when he finally was pleased with the song he had made. The sun was already peeking through his blinds and he had school in an hour. He sighed and cursed himself for staying up late but was excited to have finished this for Soonyoung. He finished burning the CD and wrote on it " _Hoonie loves you always._ " and slipped it into a case then into his bag. Even though he had zero sleep he felt the most alive he had ever felt. He was going to confess to the boy of his dreams. The boy who would lay in a garden of forgotten plants with him and giggle and hold his hand. The boy who would say his name so tenderly, "Hoonie.." The boy who got him to talk about things he didn't know he could and the boy who helped him be okay. He was going to confess and he couldn't have been any happier. 

Jihoon ran to school..actually he basically skipped. He couldn't wait to see Soonyoung. He bounded through the halls scanning for the boy but didn't see him. This was slightly upsetting but he knew he would see him at lunch so he waited. 

Lunch came and went. Even when the bell rang Jihoon sat out in the vines and sighed. Where was Soonyoung? He finally gave up and started walking his way to the school building. 

"Jihoon?" Soonyoung called. Jihoon turned and saw Soonyoung standing against the school's wall. "Sorry...I just don't feel well lately." Jihoon couldn't be mad because Soonyoung didn't look well. He looked pale and he looked like he hadn't slept. Jihoon rushed over to him and wrapped him in his arms.   
"Soonie, are you okay? You don't look well. Let's get you to the nurse." Jihoon tugged on his shirt.   
"No, Ji, no. I don't need to go to the nurse. I need...I can't do this." Soonyoung cried. Jihoon was taken aback by Soonyoung's tears and the way his voice broke.   
"Do..do what?" Jihoon whispered. Shutting his eyes and pressing his face into Soonyoung's chest.   
"I can't fall in love with you Jihoon and you can't fall in love with me. This. This isn't what is supposed to happen."   
Jihoon pulled back and looked at Soonyoung. His face was blotchy and his eyes were swollen. His lips pouting and Jihoon couldn't help but think that even at this moment..Soonyoung was beautiful. Without thinking much he slowly leaned up and placed his lips on Soonyoung's. Soonyoung tensed but didn't move away and eventually opened his mouth to let Jihoon in more. The kiss felt different than what Jihoon imagined. Then again he never had kissed anyone. But Soonyoung's lips look so plump and warm but they were soft and cold. Jihoon moved his hands to cup Soonyoung's face and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. He could feel Soonyoung's tears on his own cheeks and melted slightly when he felt Soonyoung's big hands run through the back of his hair and down his back to his waist.   
Soonyoung was the first to pull back leaving Jihoon with his eyes still closed hoping for more. Jihoon opened his eyes and met Soonyoung's who still looked sad.   
"Soonyoung, I do love you. You..you have changed my life. I was lost wandering before you. Alone. And now...I have you." These words seemed to hurt Soonyoung which left Jihoon even more confused. 

Soonyoung pulled out of Jihoon's grip and ran his fingers through his hair. Looking up to the sky and mumbling to himself. Jihoon reached out but quickly retracted when he saw the frustration on Soonyoung's face.   
"Jihoon, look.. just go be with Wonwoo." Soonyoung spat. Jihoon's eyes widened.   
"Won...Wonwoo?" Jihoon asked. "How do you know about Wonwoo? What..is that why? Do you think I want to be with him?? No, Soonyoung..why...I love you..I-"   
"No, Jihoon!" Soonyoung yelled. His yell seemed to fill the entire courtyard. Soonyoung covered his face and then said more softly but shaky, "No, I don't think anything..I know you love me. That is the problem. You aren't supposed to love me. You are supposed to love him. I'm not supposed to love you. I'm not supposed to love you. I love you." Soonyoung's voice breaks.   
Jihoon reaches out and pulls Soonyoung to him and holds him. He isn't sure for how long but at some point they both head back to the garden and lay down to stare up at the sky, fingers laced together loosely. 

Jihoon had so many questions. How did he know about Wonwoo? Why was he supposed to love Wonwoo? He watched Soonyoung from the corner of his eye but knew better than to even start asking any of these questions. Soonyoung much calmer now still looked like he was about to completely come undone.

"I haven't changed your life, Jihoon. You changed mine. You...You are changing your life now. You are moving on. You are making connections and fixing yourself. You need to fix things with Seungcheol and your parents. I can't do that for you. You have to do that. I'm so tired. I need you to do that." Soonyoung whispered. Jihoon turns to face Soonyoung and is beyond confused.   
"You need me to fix things with them? Why?" Jihoon asks quietly.   
"Because..because I need you to be okay," Soonyoung says matter of fact. As if this answer answers all the questions Jihoon is keeping to himself.   
"Okay, Soonie. I will. Anything for you." Jihoon says bringing Soonyoung's hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle softly. "I finished your song." Soonyoung couldn't help but smile at hearing this. 

After a few minutes of scolding Jihoon for staying up all night to write it, he asks Jihoon to please play it for him. Jihoon fishes out a portable cd player and headphones and hands it over to Soonyoung. Soonyoung smiles at Jihoon slightly poking fun of him for even still owning one of these things and places the headphones over his ears. Jihoon sits quietly watching Soonyoung's face as the song he wrote plays. Soonyoung sits with his eyes closed, a smile on his face, and tears down his face. He removes the headphones and wraps Jihoon in a hug. 

"I'm so sorry, Jihoon." he sobs into Jihoon's shoulder before pulling back and kissing Jihoon. The kiss is different than the first. It feels rushed and as if Soonyoung is trying to get as much of Jihoon as possible..like Jihoon might disappear if Soonyoung removes his lips. They kiss a bit more and fall back into the leaves. Kissing each other's cheeks, foreheads, and tracing each other's jawlines. 

"I want to remember everything about you always. I want to never forget what it's like to touch you." Soonyoung whispers into Jihoon's ears. Jihoon smiles and promises he will never let Soonyoung forget. 

  
"Lee. Get the fuck up!" Seungcheol says while kicking Jihoon awake. Jihoon bolts up and looks next to him. Soonyoung was gone. He must have fallen asleep. He looks up at Seungcheol and glares at him.   
"Why?"   
Seungcheol looks around and sighs before finally sitting next to Jihoon. Jihoon scoffs a bit at the closeness.   
"Lee..Ji..what are you always doing out here? It's weird. This place is disgusting."   
Jihoon shrugs and says, "It's better than being in a room where everyone hates you." Seungcheol doesn't say anything but nods.   
"Seungcheol... I...I know I've never said it but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have driven. I'm sorry you lost your scholarship." Jihoon says quickly, words jumbled a bit. Seungcheol's eyes widen while he looks at Jihoon. Both remain quiet for a bit just watching the other students leave the building to go home.   
"Ji...I know. I know you're sorry. I'm sorry too. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. The way I've been treating you...knowing you have had it worse than me. I just..I can't forgive myself and I hate myself too..I'm older than you. I should have taken care of you. I knew better. I shouldn't have let you take all the blame." Seungcheol says wrapping his arm around Jihoon.   
Jihoon's first instinct is to pull away and tell him to fuck off but at the same time, the sadness in Seungcheol's eyes tells him that he shouldn't.   
"You just..after the accident you acted as nothing happened. Which your parents said it was because you had been traumatized. You had forgotten and we shouldn't tell you anything because it could cause a breakdown..but it made me so..mad. Why did you get to forget but I have to live every day remembering what we did. When I saw all that blood...I just..I see it still. Every night. He doesn't go away, Jihoon."   
"He? Who?" Jihoon asks looking up at Seungcheol. Seungcheol shakes his head and pulls Jihoon in for a real hug.   
"It's okay, Jihoon. It's okay. Let's.. let's stick together. We can fix this." 

Jihoon wanders into the library slightly confused. He is conflicted with feelings. He is on cloud nine because he experienced his first kiss with Soonyoung but also confused by what Seungcheol was saying. He was also not sure how he should feel about Seungcheol wanting to fix their friendship. Why so out of the blue? Maybe Soonyoung said something to him. That definitely seems like something he would do. 

It's a Thursday night so the library is pretty dead. He doubts Wonwoo will be there but still, he makes his way up to the third floor. He smiles when he sees the boy sitting at a table with books and papers spread out in front of him. He quietly sits himself across from him and smiles when Wonwoo looks up at him. 

"Ji. You're here. I haven't seen you in a bit..thought maybe you broke up with me." Wonwoo teased. Jihoon smiled but also felt a tinge of guilt.  
"Sorry. I just..I have been going through a lot lately. I'm kind of seeing someone, Won. I don't...I don't know how they would feel about us always meeting."   
Wonwoo nods his head and goes back to his reading. Jihoon curses himself for saying anything because did he just assume there was some weird chemistry between them and just made a fool of himself?

Jihoon thinks back on the last few weeks of laughing with Wonwoo tucked away in the corner of the room. Sharing shrimp chips and even that evening Wonwoo snuck in some soju. He laughed so hard sometimes with Wonwoo that tears would run down his face. They bonded over so much and there definitely were moments that Jihoon hadn't imagined. Like the night with the soju and Wonwoo's face was so red and he had leaned over to get a book above Jihoon and had paused to look a little too long at Jihoon's lips. Their hands had brushed against each other's many times and more often than not Wonwoo's arm would drape around Jihoon's shoulder while they would read the same book.

"Did you ever finish that book?" Wonwoo asked breaking Jihoon's train of thought.   
"The ghost one?" Jihoon chuckled. "Yeah, really random, Won. I wouldn't have taken you for a believer of ghosts." Wonwoo stared at Jihoon and shrugged.   
"It's not so much the aspect of ghosts, Ji. It's the whole concept in general. The twist."   
"Ahh..the woman who thinks her house is haunted only to realize she is the ghost? I admit I was surprised but I mean..it wasn't like astounding." Jihoon stated crossing his arms, waiting for Wonwoo to debate with him. This was something they both loved to do.   
"Fair enough. If you don't get it..you don't get it." Wonwoo said slightly irritated. "I have to go to the restroom."   
Jihoon rolled his eyes when Wonwoo got up and leaned forward to look at what Wonwoo was working on. While looking at his papers he noticed a CD poking out from Wonwoo's bag. The writing very familiar. Jihoon glanced back towards the bathrooms and then moved towards his bag pulling the CD out. His jaw dropped. 

" _Hoonie loves you always_ " 

"What the fuck?" Jihoon said out loud to no one. He stood up and started digging through Wonwoo's bag. There was his phone and in his phone case was a photo. Jihoon nearly dropped his phone when he saw it was a picture of Wonwoo with a tall boy..with silver hair..and big chunky cheeks.


	3. The End

"Jihoon.." Wonwoo said reaching out to touch Jihoon's shoulder. Jihoon whipped around to stare angrily at Wonwoo.   
"What. The. Fuck. Won. What is this?" Jihoon raised his voice, hands starting to shake while holding on to Wonwoo's phone. "Is this a joke? Have you both just been messing with me? Thought it would be fun to toy with the sad boy and make him have feelings for you both? And to think I was struggling with how I felt about..you..about Soonyoung. Does he even love me?" 

Wonwoo winced when Jihoon asked the last question.   
"Jihoon, Soonyoung...Soonyoung is dead. He has been..ever since..that night." Wonwoo whispered voice breaking. Jihoon's jaw dropped and he pushed back away from Wonwoo.   
"That..that makes no sense, Won. I kissed him. I've seen...Wonwoo I didn't..what do you mean?" Jihoon's eyes start to fill with tears and Wonwoo is reaching back out for him again.   
"I don't know, Ji. It doesn't make sense to me either..he reached out to me..and at first I honestly thought I was going crazy-" Wonwoo started to explain but Jihoon was slowly losing it. His chest was tightening and his head was starting to hurt. He had to get out of there. He had to get away from Wonwoo. He pushed by Wonwoo and ran. He ran down the flight of stairs and out the library door. He ran and ran and ran until he thought his lungs would give out. He didn't know where he was but he didn't care. He couldn't see because of his tears and he sat down on the sidewalk trying to catch his breath. 

He yelled for Soonyoung and he yelled at himself. He cursed Wonwoo. He tightened his eyes closed and covered them with his hands. He knew he must look crazy. The tears wouldn't stop and he was rocking back and forth. He hadn't remembered but it was all coming back to him and he needed it to stop..he couldn't breathe. 

**That night**

_Seungcheol was having another Friday night party. Jihoon honestly wasn't feeling up to going but he knew it was easier to just go than to even argue with Seungcheol. He didn't care to dress up so he went in his usual big hoodie and black shorts with slides. He looked like a complete bum but there was no reason to look nice. He snuck down to his parents' living room and took a few swigs of his dad's whiskey that he kept in the kitchen hidden behind the flour and winced at how it tasted. He figured if he pre-gamed a bit then maybe he would enjoy being there._

_"Ji, get some bottles of water before you come please?" Seungcheol whined into the phone. Jihoon rolled his eyes and grunted before hanging up. He didn't need to respond...Seungcheol knew he would do whatever he asked. Jihoon had to pass the small convenience store on the way to the party anyway so he reluctantly decided to stop and get a pack of water. The convenient store was pretty busy but that wasn't surprising considering it was a Friday night._

_He passed a pair of boys who were looking at fruit jellies and stopped next to them deciding whether or not to grab a bag of Swedish Fish. While trying to decide if he wanted anything else he couldn't help but check out the boy next to him. His laugh was...LOUD. At first, it was immediately irritating to him but then he couldn't help but want to join in when he saw the smile that was behind that laugh. Both boys were fighting over which bag to get and didn't notice him. Jihoon didn't check out boys often but these boys were definitely cute. Both were much taller than him and fit. Both had broad shoulders and distinct facial features. One had eyes that almost disappeared when he laughed because his cheeks would bunch up and the other would scrunch his nose when he laughed._

_"Oh, you should get these instead." The chunky cheeked boy said to Jihoon holding out a small bag of tiger shaped jellies. "They don't taste any better than the others really..but look how cute!" He made little claws with his hands and growled. Jihoon raised his eyebrow at him and took the bag of jellies into his hands._   
_"Soon, you are beyond embarrassing." the other boy pushed his friend and looked at Jihoon. "I'm sorry. Don't mind him." Jihoon smiled at them as they walked off and he definitely didn't miss when the tiger boy turned around and winked at him._

_After paying for the water and his bag of tiger jellies Jihoon walked to Seungcheol's and couldn't help but smile. What a cute boy. What an absolute dreamy boy. Maybe he would show up to the party Jihoon thought to himself. He picked up his pace and practically ran the rest of the way there._

_The boy didn't show up. Jihoon had looked around hoping to catch glimpse of the silver-haired boy but had no such luck. He did manage to drink an unhealthy amount of alcohol and he was really starting to feel it. It wasn't so bad until Seungcheol pulled him up to do karaoke. As soon as he was pulled up he immediately fell back down, sending both him and Seungcheol into a fit of laughter._

_"You are completely fucked." Seungcheol yelled into his ear. Jihoon pouted at Seungcheol's heavy breath on his face and pushed him back laughing._   
_"Please, don't put your disgusting mouth so close to my face."_   
_The two boys play fought and continued to insult each other until one of Seungcheol's other friends came over to ask for more alcohol. Seungcheol looked at Jihoon for an answer and Jihoon couldn't help but laugh._   
_"What the fuck, Seungcheol? Why are you looking at me? Did you seriously forget to buy extra booze?" Jihoon chuckled to himself while lying back onto the floor. Seungcheol pouted and pulled himself up looking for his keys._   
_"I'll go get some, Ji. Can you handle all this while I'm out?" Seungcheol gestured to the ongoing rager that was honestly a little more crazy than usual._   
_"No, you are too smashed. Let me drive." Jihoon said while snatching the keys from him. "You know I drive better than you under these circumstances. Come with me though and be an extra set of eyes."_

_They had made this drive many times. Sober. Not sober. It was no issue. The issue had to be the wet roads, the fact that Jihoon mixed some kind of new alcohol with whatever shit beer was at the party, or maybe it was Seungcheol playing the radio too loud and making Jihoon laugh when he would try to do the robot. Jihoon isn't sure. But all of a sudden his wheels were spinning and the light definitely had turned red before he could get control and there was a car he hadn't noticed before. He could barely gather his thoughts about what was happening it was only Seungcheol's screaming and the force of hitting the other car that whipped Jihoon into knowing he had just fucked up._

_He doesn't remember his life flashing before his eyes as they say in movies and books. He only remembers seeing the tears in Seungcheol's eyes when his head hit the dash. He only remembers the sound of tires screeching and metal crushing. He only remembers his thighs slamming up against the steering wheel and hearing pops. He doesn't remember feeling anything before blacking out. He just remembers seeing a messy bunch of silver hair sticking through the other car's windshield._

_When he had woken in the hospital his mom and dad were by his side. His mom immediately cried and held him when she noticed he had woken up and his dad was quiet next to her but reached out to grasp his hand and squeeze._   
_"Seungcheol? Where is Seungcheol?" Jihoon gasped out. His throat hurt and he was in a brace and bandages and hooked to too many wires._   
_"He's fine, Jihoon..he's okay." His mother wiped the tears on his cheeks that he didn't realize were even there. She smoothed his hair down and tried to gently caress his face._   
_"What about the silver-haired boy?" Jihoon asked. His mom retracted her hand and brought it to her mouth to let out a small sob and his dad turned away from both of them._   
_"Honey, that boy..he is dead."_

  
Jihoon gasped. His heart hurt. It ached. He had repressed so much. He had pushed down the scene of the accident, the cries of Seungcheol at his bedside in the hospital begging Jihoon to fix this, his parent's debt that was caused by the hospital, and then his trial. He forgot Soonyoung's parents. How they decided to not push for any punishment for Jihoon because one life was already gone..another didn't need to be taken either. He remembers the rehab the court pushed him through and the daily therapy. All the meds that numbed him.

It all came back. At once. 

Jihoon was well aware that he was loudly sobbing in the middle of a random sidewalk but he didn't care. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and pushed himself up running to the one place he needed to be. He slowed down once he got in view of the school's garden. He slowly walked closer and saw exactly what he expected to be there. There was Soonyoung. He was sitting in the middle of those crumpled vines, leaned back facing the sky, and he was humming. Getting closer Jihoon could hear Soonyoung humming the song he had written for him and he could see the tears on Soonyoung's face. 

  
"Hoonie.." Soonyoung breathed out when he realized Jihoon was standing above him. Jihoon didn't smile back at Soonyoung and sat down in front of him. He stared intently at Soonyoung. Tracing his features with his eyes trying to see if there was any sign of Soonyoung being dead.   
"I'm sorry you had to find out this way," Soonyoung whispered reaching for Jihoon's hands. Jihoon wanted to fight them away but at the same time, he really needed them. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I..I wanted you to remember more gracefully but I think I pushed it when I brought Wonwoo in."   
Jihoon looked at Soonyoung puzzled. He kept wanting to say something, anything. Ask something but he didn't have the energy. It didn't matter though because it was as if Soonyoung knew what he was thinking.   
"I don't know how, Ji. I just..I was just here one day and I just knew I had to help you. I had actually been watching you for a while. I was so angry at you but then part of me was so happy to see you again. I had thought about you for hours after giving you those jellies. I think I about drove Wonwoo crazy the whole ride home talking about the cute boy at the store." Soonyoung chuckled remembering that night. "I don't know..but I think I needed to make you remember so you could move on. Seungcheol needs you. Your parents need you. You weren't living..you were just here. It was pointless for me to lose my life and you keep yours if you weren't actually doing something with it."   
Jihoon nodded and rubbed his eyes, keeping his fingers locked with Soonyoung's. 

  
"How did Wonwoo..what is-" Jihoon began but his voice was starting to tremble and his eyes were already filling with tears again.   
"To be honest before I decided I needed to help you I was just going to fuck with Won a few times." Soonyoung giggled. Jihoon rolled his eyes. "I'm joking. He wasn't doing well. He blamed himself for that night. We had gotten into the most ridiculous argument..like we usually did but for whatever reason this one was big. I had left in such a hurry...I was crying like a fool. I sobbed the whole drive and I was crying so much that I didn't even notice your car. I drove into you while you were spinning."   
This statement surprised Jihoon but he decided it didn't make him feel any better that it was Soonyoung who had drove into him..at this point what did it matter whose fault it was? Jihoon was still drunk. Soonyoung was still dead.  
  
"Anyways, he..he blamed himself for letting me leave like that. He blamed himself for you being hurt and your friend too. He blamed himself for you getting completely dragged through the mud because he knew you weren't the only one at fault. When I came back I went to him and I needed him to be okay. I couldn't bear to have him be alone. We were inseparable. He was my best friend. We were always kind of outcasts and then I was gone and school was even worse for him. When I saw the same thing happening with you...I thought maybe just maybe I could spark something between you two..a friendship. I didn't know...I didn't know you would fall for him..and him for you." Soonyoung whispered, slightly pouting his lips. 

  
Jihoon pushed Soonyoung slightly, "Soonyoung, I fell in love with you."  
Soonyoung smiled, "I know. And I fell in love with you. I will be in love with you for eternity. At first, this made me sad..what kind of future is that for me? To love the boy who ended my life? I hate you because I can't be on this Earth loving you. How do we move on? But I think now...I'm at peace. Loving you has made this all easier for me, Jihoon."   
Jihoon smiled weakly at Soonyoung and pulled him in against him. Their lips pressing against each other one last time. The kiss wasn't graceful...it was rushed and needy. Both knowing it was their last.

"Please, don't be mad at Wonwoo for not telling you," Soonyoung said while pulling away and burrowing his face into Jihoon's hair. Jihoon shook his head and grasped Soonyoung tighter. "Jihoon, I have to go..I can't stay here. I finished what I needed to do."   
Immediately Jihoon pulled back and anger filled his body. This wasn't fair. "Soonyoung, no. I-I can't do this without you. I need you here." Soonyoung smiled weakly at Jihoon and shook his head.   
Jihoon jerked himself out of Soonyoung's arms and stood up to look down at Soonyoung eyes filled with tears. Then changed his gaze from Soonyoung to the sky. 

  
"Please...PLEASE..take me too..please. Don't do this. Don't take him from me again." Jihoon yelled and sobbed. He kept repeating it over and over again. "Please..please..take me too.." Words mashing together and barely recognizable from the sobs and hiccups that came out. He sobbed and yelled until he felt Soonyoung stand and wrap him in a hug. Soonyoung hushed JIhoon and wiped his tears, tears falling from his own eyes. Soonyoung couldn't speak through his tears either so he kissed the top of Jihoon's head resting his cheek against his hair and started to hum. 

_You, you are my miracle..._

Jihoon closed his eyes and breathed Soonyoung in, praying that this wouldn't end. When he opened them again he was standing alone. He dropped to his knees and started to bang his fists on the ground. He yelled and tore up the vines in the garden, in their garden. He ripped and tore as many vines and leaves as he could. He did until his hands were numb and caked in dirt and blood. Eventually, he stopped and laid down in the mess he had made and cried for Soonyoung. What had he done?

\---

  
Months had passed and Jihoon had finally gotten to a place where he felt slightly less unhinged. He had talked with his parents and thanked them for what they had done for him and apologized for the burden he caused them. He was surprised when his dad had taken him into a big hug and told him that he would always love him. Things weren't how they used to be before that night..but they were better. The three of them had agreed to work on things and to talk more. His home had already begun to feel lighter. He could even hear his parents laughing and dancing in the kitchen some nights when he laid in bed. He couldn't help but thank Soonyoung for letting his parents fall back in love with each other no longer burdened by their son's trauma. 

Jihoon rolled out of bed and rubbed his face. He had slept in again but he knew his body needed it. Another thing Soonyoung had taught him was that Jihoon needed to take better care of himself. Self-care was something Jihoon had tried to implement more into his daily schedule and so when he found himself sleeping a few extra hours he tried not to scold himself. He slowly stepped over a sleeping Seungcheol on his floor. 

He couldn't help but smile down at his best friend. They had very easily gotten back to being best friends much to each other's surprise. Jihoon hadn't realized that a lot of Seungcheol's anger and hate wasn't because of him losing his scholarship or Jihoon wrecking the car but because Jihoon had completely shut him out, when Seungcheol needed him the most. Jihoon forgot that even though Seungcheol was older than him that he wasn't as strong as Jihoon mentally. He had come from a broken family unlike Jihoon and really didn't have a support system. When Jihoon had shut him out Seungcheol broke down in more ways than one. Jihoon cursed himself for not being there when Seungcheol checked himself in for help at a facility and promised Seungcheol he would never miss a moment like that again. Seungcheol was happy to have his friend back although he was growing tired of the constant check-ins Jihoon forced him to do. Jihoon didn't mean to treat Seungcheol like a baby but he just wanted to cherish him and be the friend Seungcheol needed. Although Seungcheol complained at times he didn't mean it because he would always softly remind Jihoon,   
"Hoonie, thank you." 

Jihoon left a small note for Seungcheol letting him know that he went out and would be back. He kissed his mother goodbye and waved to his father when he stepped out. He walked with his head held high rather than down and couldn't help but enjoy the new warmer weather. He headed to the library and was nervous with each step. He hadn't seen or spoke to Wonwoo since that day at the library. He wasn't even sure if Wonwoo would want to see him again but he still made his way to the third floor and back to their little corner. 

The disappointment Jihoon felt when he didn't see Wonwoo wasn't surprising. He looked around a few isles and asked a few people if he had been to work. One lady told him that Wonwoo was taking a break. Frustrated and mad at himself for not reaching out to Wonwoo sooner he headed back towards his home. He was about to make the turn to head back when he decided he should make one last stop. He headed towards the school. 

He crossed the grounds and went around back behind the cafeteria and made his way back to the little forgotten garden. Their garden. He stopped in his tracks when he saw that the garden was no longer a pile of broken vines and dirt clumps. It was lush and green. A few carrots had started to sprout and some small delicate flowers were starting to bloom as well. Jihoon walked closer and still was completely dumbfounded. He reached down to touch a small bloom and jumped when he heard a familiar voice. 

"Those are tiger lilies. I thought they would be fitting for Soonie." Wonwoo said smiling down at Jihoon, a watering can in his hands.   
"Wonwoo, you..you did this? This is..perfect." Jihoon beamed facing Wonwoo.   
"I-I didn't know if you would be mad or not. I know this was..your place with him. I didn't mean to intrude. I just..I didn't know what to do when I hadn't seen you. So, I thought if I came here one day I"d find you but instead, I just saw the mess that was here. I have to be honest I wasn't sure what the hell you and Soonyoung saw in this dump that you spent all your time in it..but nothing surprises me with him." Wonwoo chuckled setting the watering can down and walking closer to Jihoon.  
"Jihoon...I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to keep anything from you...I just-I missed my best friend." Wonwoo said while reaching for Jihoon's hand. Jihoon pulled Wonwoo closer and wrapped his arms around him into a hug.   
"Wonwoo..its okay. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad we are here." Jihoon smiled into his chest. 

  
**2 years** **later**

"Ji, we are going to be late!" Wonwoo called. He was fixing his tie in the mirror in the bedroom and Jihoon was still trying to style his hair in the bathroom.   
Jihoon groaned and gave up trying to fix his hair and walked out into their bedroom for Wonwoo to inspect him. Wonwoo giggled a bit and walked over to smooth a spot of Jihoon's hair.   
"Perfect." Wonwoo pecked Jihoon's cheek. "We need to go now though or you will be late for your performance." 

Jihoon nodded and he helped Wonwoo into his coat. They both stopped to pet their cat Horanghae goodbye and then locked up. The car drive could have been nicer but it quickly turned hectic when they stopped to pick up their parents who all four loudly discussed different things while picking at their sons. 

Jihoon separated from his family and Wonwoo when they got to the venue. He snuck a quick kiss to Wonwoo before his mom pulled him away so they could find nice seats. He walked towards the back of the venue and checked in with the stage manager. Once he was checked in he stood and waited for his turn. 

It was crazy how much had changed in a few years. He had graduated and had been accepted on to an entertainment company to write music. His song Miracle had actually even won him an award. His fame grew when he explained why he wrote the song and how it was about first love. He sang it often on trips with Wonwoo when Wonwoo would go around to different schools talking about drunk driving and resources for children who needed it. 

Things with Wonwoo were slow at first. They had so much to learn about each other and Jihoon spent many months asking everything there was to know about Soonyoung. Wonwoo was patient with him..never once being jealous over Jihoon's attachment with his former best friend. Eventually, though Jihoon found himself wanting to know more about Wonwoo and from there they embarked on a relationship that wasn't always easy but one that was definitely worth it. They had fights and arguments..they both had their issues..but all in all, they loved each other. They both had been through a lot together and it was an experience that brought them together. They had finally moved in with each other and their families were more than thrilled. 

Jihoon smiled looking out at his and Wonwoo's family bunched together in the front. Wonwoo stuck in the middle looking like he was ready to find a cliff to hurl his body off of. Jihoon couldn't help but chuckle. Wonwoo hated family get-togethers. He also smiled and waved at his best friend Seungcheol who was seated behind Wonwoo with his new boyfriend, Jeonghan. He was so proud of his friend for the steps he took to better himself. Seungcheol had gone back to therapy and had finally moved out of his father's home. He started taking classes at a community college and had gotten a night job at a local cafe where he met Jeonghan. Jihoon was very fond of Jeonghan. He was kind and loving, very motherly but also kept Seungcheol in check when needed. 

He couldn't help but smile at all the people he loved in one spot. All there for him. Except one. He still thought about Soonyoung daily but the heartache had finally eased. Although there were times he couldn't escape it. The best way for him to deal with his feelings was to sing about them. It had been years since he last saw Soonyoung..since he last kissed him and told him that he loved him. They were moments he didn't want to forget but they were ones he needed to shelf occasionally because if he didn't he would get lost in them and fall away from everyone that was still here. 

"Lee Jihoon, you're up!" The stage manager called for him. 

Jihoon stood on stage. The stage light directly on him. He cleared his throat and reached for the microphone. 

"This song. This song is very personal. I have no plans on ever singing it again. I'm just..I'm here to sing it today to just take a moment and to remember..and then to let go." 

Jihoon sighed. Hands slightly shaky. He caught Wonwoo's gaze and smiled when Wonwoo quietly mouthed, "Fighting!"

_"As if nothing happened_   
_I told myself that this is all a dream_   
_When I close my eyes and open them again_   
_I wanted to wake up with a relief..._   
_Our past that didn't line up_   
_If I can go back in time_   
_Rather than roughly, but warmly_   
_Would I be able to let you go?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was late to upload this! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone that read this and enjoyed it!   
> I really loved it. Its not as perfect as I wanted but I'm still really fond of it. 
> 
> I will finally finish my other fics. And maybe add on to this later..a check up on Wonhoon or maybe on Seungcheol?
> 
> Thanks again!


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